How Can I

How Can I call you my lover Sage Suede

How Can I is A Song About Millennial Dating

Nowadays, most people meet through dating apps and it is great to meet someone worthwhile, but oftentimes they are already talking to other people before they even meet you. So it’s optimistic to even expect dating to go anywhere when you meet someone from an app.

Why is it Optimistic?

Unfortunately, dating apps make everyone a commodity. No matter how attractive you are, it just takes a few more swipes to meet someone else.

Tip: Try To Ask Your Date About Their Dating Life

If you talk with someone and they are an honest person, they should tell you where you stand. They should also give you an idea of whether or not they are seeing multiple people, or have already met someone before you. It can feel deceptive when someone is dating others, but keep in mind that you may not be at the exclusive phase yet. They could also be polyamorous and if that’s the case, then you need to be okay with it for your relationship to work. I have had people break up with me because I’m not polyamorous and that doesn’t offend me. They just wanted something that I couldn’t give them. This song isn’t really that relevant to polyamory, unless you are speaking in terms of someone that isn’t ready to date you at all.

Modern Dating Sometimes Has a Longer Dating Phase

I have met couples that were married after one or two weeks of dating. They are a bit older than me, so I presume that it is a generational difference, however that can also be the case when you meet someone that is just right for you. However, with all of these apps and fewer societal obligations to get married, many people of younger generations are waiting longer to get married. As a result, the dating phase can last much longer than expected.

You won’t get to be exclusive with people as quickly as in the past. It’s also not nearly as easy, when they can search for others on the internet and that is the premise of this song.

How can you even call someone a lover, if they are unwilling to settle down with you?

That question is much longer than How Can I, which also evokes a lack of the ability to put this meaning into words.

It’s Hard to Find Consistency in Your Teens and Early Twenties

However, as many people get older, there is more desire to settle down. It’s nothing to get worked up about, because it won’t get you anywhere. Most people don’t know what they want at a young age and they can’t even identify what they need in a partner. Just be clear with your partner when you would like to be exclusive and don’t try to change who they are.

dating advice sage suede

Sometimes, you can get someone to be exclusive with you rather quickly, but usually it takes at least a few dates and several weeks. Since I’m talking about this concept, I would also like to mention that you don’t want to tell someone you love them too early on, because it makes you seem desperate. Sometimes this can be have poor consequences, early in a relationship.

You really can’t put a time frame on when it’s okay to say “I love you,” but if I ventured a wild guess I would say 3 months. You really need to read your partner’s body language though and if you feel that close to them, they may be in a similar place.

Musical Composition of How Can I

This song is written with an alternative rock feeling to it. It is most similar in style to Cleopatra on DIAMONDBACK Demo. It also features a drum machine and electric guitar. I would like to get a higher quality guitar pedal in the future, so the distortion is a little more clear. This was another step in the right direction for me, as the songwriting process taught me more about rock vocals and what I want to sound like.

How Can I lyrics by Sage Suede


I was looking at the moon
la lune
and she says be there soon
shut in like a coccoon
butterfly
too dark to go and fly
rubberneck dirt road
killing my flow
not sure
how to cope
when it’s just picking up a fight
a girl just like any other

How can I call you my lover
when we still want another
hand and hand but wondering
why do we even bother
perfect is a dirty word
don’t think I have ever heard
a single lie just quite as dry
but loving you feels just right

I was walking down the street
you’d speak
beautiful words muttered
under your breath
confess to me
through my window shutters
seen so many details of so many females
like to hear her tale
read her like an email
must be like a single light
a spark that struck me just right

How can I call you my lover
when we still want another
hand and hand but wondering
why do we even bother
perfect is a dirty word
don’t think I have ever heard
a single lie just quite as dry
but loving you feels just right

farewell
but you cast your spell
I wanted to see it through
you rang the bell
and my pride fell
I’ll come crawling
back to you
warm fuzzy full it’s like
orange fills my soul
this light
could keep me there
could make me stare
into your eyes
and kiss you tonight

How can I call you my lover
when we still want another
hand and hand but wondering
why do we even bother
perfect is a dirty word
don’t think I have ever heard
a single lie just quite as dry
but loving you feels just right

Thanks for visiting my site! Photos for this post are by Adam Perri and  you can find more on my modeling portfolio.
I am now located in Austin, TX and available for modeling opportunities.

This Blog Post is NOT Art

A Little About Me

I was born during a record low snowstorm in Ohio. I don’t really remember living there, but I’ve seen photos. I was a Cesarean section because there was a risk of brain damage, if I jumped out wrong. I won’t go into all of that, but I had good timing. I was a big baby at 11 lbs 7 oz.
I went to a Catholic pre-school in Florida and there were cockroaches everywhere. I was later baptized and I have learned of many religions since then. I won’t go into the details but I enjoy reading about different belief systems. Later in my childhood, I moved to Texas where there were plagues of crickets. Luckily that ended in the early 2000s, because I was in swimming and it was disgusting. I had to do a few meets, swimming through pools of partially-live crickets.

I was that guy in elementary school that was taller than everyone else, so people always treated me like I was older. I’m like the big puppy dog that was always treated like an adult dog, so it didn’t grow up chihuahua. I also hated being a child, because I viciously prefer independence and still crave more freedom for my art. I did sports in elementary school but started band in middle school and I’ll get into that later…

If you want to know more about me you can always comment on any of my social media profiles, or posts on this site. I support people of all backgrounds and have always had best friends of both genders, from all over the world.

One of my best friends from middle school band striking a pose with me. She’s super successful now and I am so proud.
This is from instagram.com/sage_suede.

Random Life Notes

I have to make music, because otherwise there is no way for people to understand me. I loved languages as a kid. You learn the most about English when you learn a foreign language because you can see commonalities in sentence structure that clarify elements of grammar that generally aren’t explained in native language learning (although, I probably ignored them while learning English).

I devoted years of my life to learning several languages. I was fortunate to be in a public high school with AP classes, but had to work hard to get into college. Much of high school was harder than college for me because I did so much. I had 32 semester hours when I started on a half-tuition scholarship and changed my major 3 times, before graduating in 4 years.

I plan ahead, otherwise I get anxious and I planned ahead to become a musician as a child. I made that decision because I liked foreign music and I wanted a career that would allow me to travel. My first two albums were Deee-Lite’s Greatest Hits and Music by Madonna (side note: I asked Lady Miss Kier to collab and she was too busy, but as a huge fan, I was happy to have a brief chat via email with her).  When I was like 6, I started on drums (don’t play anymore though), then Clarinet in middle school, marched bass clarinet and shredded at classical bass clarinet, followed by guitar, ukulele and piano. For a while, I practiced clarinet for 5 hours a day.

Oh, and in middle school I started learning to make beats but was off-an-on until recently. I have devoted years of my life to this and did several jobs for free to learn to marketing and other skills, such as web design. This website and my music really are the product of blood, sweat and tears – often at my own expense.

No One Else Defines Me

Some people treated me like I was crazy for being different from them, but I primarily grew up in Austin, TX – a place where most people embrace weirdness. I have friends from everywhere and have had trouble fitting in for most of my life, because I am from many places and like foreign things. I don’t always think in one language and I want to make that painfully clear, because I don’t always speak in the same accent. You might find me using a different voice on different songs, but I am always trying to express myself genuinely.

I don’t think that’s weird at all and I don’t feel like I should have to justify it to anyone. I also don’t feel like my music should be limited to one mood, because I’m human and have emotions. I am a multi-dimensional person, as I have expressed in other posts, so I won’t let anyone look down on me on the basis of how different we are. I am a good role model, because I worked so hard to get where I’m at.

I’ve always had friends from diverse cultures and I used to practice Clarinet 5 hours a day, in addition to rehearsals. That number dropped of course, but I wanted to be a Clarinet major through much of high school. I chose to drop clarinet for guitar and piano, which I studied at Clancy’s Guitar School.

NOT Art

This post is not art because it’s just about me. I’m a person and it’s about time people realize that I’m not an object. I don’t want my childhood really to be the body of any of my art, but it still influences me a lot. I live in a pretty quiet apartment complex with a roommate, so with a 40-hour work week, I don’t have many hours to be loud. That’s one of the reasons a lot of my stuff has been electronic lately. Unfortunately, one of the main reasons I was so sad in earlier posts is because living with roommates so greatly limited my capacity for musical expression and some of those roommates were awful enough to attack me for practicing.

A lot of my songs are meant to provoke discussion, but others are just personal and reflective. I like keeping those reflective pieces on here and I don’t feel bad about anything that I’ve ever made, even when it isn’t high quality. I haven’t been performing my original music much and none of these songs are guaranteed to be final versions.Unfortunately, I am limited by financial resources and my student debt is spiraling out of control, so things are still up in the air, until I can make ends meet.

I’ve been living my life to become a musician and I made all of these plans and took these steps myself, one at a time down a very long path. I also took all of the steps towards a professional career and have to dedicate my time to making money, before working on this blog. Sage Suede would not exist right now, if I hadn’t worked for it and taken on a lot of roles to get here.


My Facebook page mostly has followers in Lusophone countries, so I am going to keep making Portuguese songs too.
I am very thankful for the love I receive in regards to my music. I want my fans to know how to handle tough situations, so I try to be edgy but it’s also just been my entire life adapting to new friendships and situations. I am enjoying the experience and progressing outside of music as well. 😉

idc

This song helps release negativity

When I first write things, it is generally about me and my feelings, so this is the same way, but edited to make more sense for a general audience. Repeating the words in this song is intended to release negativity. By the end of the song, you’ll be really apathetic and over the stress.

idc Music Video

For the music video, I met with Cal and he acted as my camera guy. He was really easy to work with and tells me he also does house music, so we plan to collaborate more in the future.

I made a wand for the video. I accidentally cut myself in the process, so I had a band aid on for a while. I saw this style of wand in an old magic book originally.
I chose the locations for the video the night before. I was holding a red skull shaker in the opening scene, but I don’t think you can see it in the shot. Oh well, whatever.

So we filmed at the Commons. It was a bit cold, but we managed to do it. The pidgeons made the shot more interesting since my movement was minimal and I tried to be as apathetic and half-there as possible. My dancing is really apathetic, especially at that one point I have my coat in my arms and I put my hands up, before just losing the will to dance. I made sure that my apathy came through in all aspects of the video. I modeled apathetically and didn’t even think of the video concept until 3am the day before.

Sage Suede – idc

I don’t care and
I don’t care and
I don’t care about you
I i idc
dc a u X4

Over all the harrowing
I’m the one they’re following
Looking mighty puritan
like to see you happy again

Lose the baggage
don’t need your stress
Not on my roster
stay off my list

keep talking sh*t
I’ll see you
another day, still looking it
keep being mad
Just wasted another day on feeling bad

I’m creating culture
You’re acting like a vulture
Ooh, does it sting
that I’m interesting?

I don’t care and
I don’t care and
I don’t care about you
I i idc
dc a u X4

(Clap)
Little finches want attention
Losers looking for a scapegoat
Dark witches use deception
Don’t waste my time
on trepidation X2

I don’t care and
I don’t care and
I don’t care about you
I i idc
dc a u X4

Over all the harrowing
I’m the one they’re following
It takes a lot of work but
I know that I’ll be heard

Little finches want attention
Losers looking for a scapegoat
Dark witches use deception
Don’t waste my time
to throw a fit
—-
Get out of my space
& find your desperate place
Get out of my space
& get your head on straight

Not your turn to shag it
Have some self respect

If you have a personal problem
Then you should try to fix it
idc
—–.
I said idc 60 times in this song.
If you repeat the lyrics, it can help release unwanted emotion.

No One on Earth Can Define You

If we never truly know ourselves until after the fact, then how could we be expected to ever know ourselves at all?

We aren’t able to recall many of our memories and much of the human brain is unused. There are so many interconnected factors that impact the essence of any being, such that it is wildly inaccurate to try to define them from a personal perspective.

This is only one aspect of sense of self and has no consideration for externalities or other people/things that impact who you are in a given lifetime. It does not consider the human spirit and many people that rely on hard facts find the idea of spiritual inter-connectedness silly.

Although I agree that memory is most of what makes up personality, the essence of life cannot be defined without arbitrarily-drawn boundaries and since those boundaries are a point of reference, perception is subjectively based on personal experience.

I know that there is a metaphysical basis to understand these things, but that understanding is an inherent impossibility. As human beings, we will never have the scope of understanding to fully define the essence of any creature, especially ourselves.

Human personality is nothing like the essence of a greater being. I don’t agree with the assertion that existence comes before essence, because we already have an essence before we have any experiences. We are born alive and we don’t know where that essence comes from. Do we have an essence when we are still embryos, living tissue, cells? yes.

At what point do you draw a boundary of yourself as a single individual that isn’t influenced by the same force that impacts all of creation? We know that we are made up of interconnected physical systems, many of which are alive independent of our free will, so how can we exist without being tied to a higher state? Personally, I don’t think it’s possible.

Essence, by such a limited definition as human personality, will never fully embody who we are. These are related concepts and what we learn through existence is quintessential to developing a personal understanding of the spiritual side of life. It can be presumed that there is a connecting force in life, but it is inherently unknowable within the limitations of humanity.

Our understanding of ourselves does not define who we are. Yes, we are impacted directly by our experiences and these help to define us, but our spirit is not confined to a certain universal plane or time period and its origins are mostly unknowable. Our experiences likely make up the largest component of who we are, but our existence is not limited to a single perspective and even then we cannot consciously recall all of our experiences. That says nothing as to how we are influenced by others.

As humans, we have limited lifespans and can never have a full understanding of ourselves. There are smaller and larger scales to who we are that aren’t comprehensible, without scientific instruments. Life goes on regardless of whether or not we are a part of it. I do not believe we cease to exist at death or start to exist at birth and this cannot be observed to discern otherwise. As essence is in all life, it is unknowable- we cannot seek to define it through one life or one body.

The best we can do is to understand essence based on the body of our experiences, but to say that this personal experience precedes the essence of a human being doesn’t make sense, when essence is constantly changing. In fact, it doesn’t make sense to define that aspect of humanity at all.

All people have blind spots to their strengths & weaknesses and all we ever truly understand is within the bounds of personal experience. That doesn’t change the fact that we have direct and indirect effects on our reality that impact how we are defined by others. Does the existence of others and their interpretations of us not also make up a part of our essence? Just because someone defines me poorly, doesn’t mean that it is a part of me, but it is a part of my reality and subsequently the essence of who I am at a given time within my limited life.

I may never be able to acknowledge certain aspects of who I am… does that mean they don’t exist? No, but it does show that humans alone, both collectively and as individuals, cannot define themselves or their reality, due to a lack of understanding. Naturally, we are prone to try to define things, as it is the basis of all language to give things “names”. We can try, but we aren’t going to ever have a full definition of what is around us, or even our own experiences. It is impossible to integrate all past, present and future aspects of a given situation into a statement, so why do we limit ourselves and others to weak definitions of existence? Why do we label things, often with rash decisiveness? Out of habit and desire for a sense of order, as established by the more primitive part of the brain in all humans.

It can be logically stated that we need to exist to come to terms with or develop an understanding of who we are. Even further complicating things is all of the experiences that make up who we are that we don’t remember. A lot of the human brain is inaccessible and these experiences would all have to be factored into the essence of who we are regardless of our recollection, for it to be an accurate depiction. I’m not saying there aren’t some methods around this…

Essence as a dependent of existence, is understood based on how we experience the world, but our experience is not the only thing that has an effect on the world around us, or on our ability to affect the world around us. You can define something to the best of your knowledge, but as our existence is limited, most of us can only define certain aspects of ego – which bares little in representing a person in their entirety.

You are special. You are an individual that cannot be defined by mere mortals, with minuscule perceptions.

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